Hi Craig,
I talked to our beloved Rabbi White today about Kyle's death--about how a parent is supposed to reconcile this with any existence of God--I was so moved, because the Rabbi, in our small intimate adult group, talked about the 3 kinds of Gods that people can think about, including a movement that sees "God as Dead" which is different from being an atheist. The God is Dead idea came after the Holocaust and has to do with God being absent in times that are really not being about him/her. It is the idea that we are left to work on these issues, and there is a silence from God. This view of God sees God as more human than "super natural" and like humans, problems can seem so huge and difficult that the normal human response is to back away. It is interesting--in any case, afterwards, I talked to him about Kyle. I didn't fully like the response, but I am thinking about it--he thinks that the best place to look for some "understanding" is in Jewish Mysticism which would see that some souls are not where they are supposed to be or are where they are for some period of time that is not what we would want or expect. I kinda don't buy this, but I am thinking about it. He also said we all have to spend a lot of TIME reflecting after the loss of kyle, and being open to what comes, and to be open to all the fragility that you/we might feel. That the rawness is an opportunity, so to speak. He also recommended a book called, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, which I have heard of over the years. I'm glad to hear about the baseball plans here in DC. God and I will stay out of your way, unless you want us around. Your loving friend, Anne
Hi, Anne,
Thanks for this, for taking the time to talk to Rabbi White and for sharing it back with me. It's so kind, and it means a lot to me that you (and Danny) are struggling with the loss of Kyle alongside me. I'd like to find a way to make some sense out of this in the ways Rabbi White describes. Sharleen seems to be able to do that (read her comments at the Funeral on the blog), but I really can't. The "God has a plan" thing, or the "some souls aren't where they're supposed to be" thing or the "points of light all yearning to return to their ecstatic oneness" thing all sound comforting, but I can't help thinking that they are just mortal mind tricks to help us cope with unbearable sadness. My faith just isn't strong enough. At Kyle's Funeral, Rabbi Jhos Singer talked a little about this and he quoted Yeshua ben Sirach:
"Don't chase after things you can't understand, which are too difficult for you to comprehend. Leave them alone since there is plenty right in front of you, which you can manage, which you can take in, which is easy to accept. Some things are meant to be hidden, let them stay that way. A mystery is not meant to be known." B.T. Haghigah folio130
I can accept that easier somehow. I know after WWII there were many conferences and writings by Rabbis trying to make sense out of what had happened, and there was one movement to find the good that came out of the unspeakable horror, the higher purpose, the plan that god must have had. It resulted in a state of Israel, etc. There was another movement that saw it as pure evil with no silver lining, no sense to be made, no ultimate benefit--bad things do happen and there is no explanation. Maybe that is the God is Dead view. The best I can do at this point is to think that Kyle had an accident because he was impulsive and/or because something went wrong with his car that he wasn't experienced enough to handle. He had an accident, not a mystical return to where he needed to be. Does that sound dark? I feel dark and I get no comfort from any higher purpose that took my son away from so many people who loved him.
I'm so looking forward to seeing you in a couple weeks.
Thanks, Anne.
Craig
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