Kyle, when I think of you I see, of course, your beautiful eyes and your open, mischievous smile. During these last horrid weeks, you have been foremost in my mind, your smiling face floating around my brain. It seems that people have been coming out of the woodwork --so many people, each who feel very close to you and consider you a dear friend; each and every one of them saying how special you are to them. Yes, ARE because I still refuse to speak in the past tense.
I have stopped asking why, why this happened, why now and why to you, why to you and your best friend together. Instead, teacher that I am, I try to find the lesson in the tragedy, the lesson in the grief. I can’t really find said lesson, except for maybe how I keep feeling continuously, repeatedly surprised at the almost daily occurrence of yet another new person expressing grief, expressing feelings of separation, expressing the way in which you, Kyle, made them feel appreciated, heard, understood, and yes, LOVED. I think “how extraordinary!” How amazing that you have so many, such deep connections, to SO many folks from so many walks of life.
If there is a lesson, it’s that what I want to think of when my mind questions the unknowable in spite of myself, what I want to always remember is the image of you leaving my room for that last time, saying, “Bye Ms. Martinez –you have a good day,” and flashing that smile that made me feel like, for that moment, it was ONLY for me. I will forever treasure that moment, knowing that it is what makes you so special in all our hearts.
Rest in peace.
I. Martinez
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